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The church

Bush follows up on birth control

Refreshened by his recent victory after withholding all U.S. funds from the United Nation’s Population Fund, which was distributing condoms to impoverished nations where multiple pregnancies and AIDS were causing bleeding heart liberals to protest the action, Mr. Bush announced that his newly appointed Chief Justice was actively engaged in rolling back liberal legislation that allowed the selling of contraceptives in the United States. Said Mr. Bush: “Them liberals like to identify with all them impoverished types around the world. So now they can really identify ‘cause they gonna get no more of them comdons then they get in Africa. And in Chief Justice Robot I got the man to see it through. And such a true believe that the constitution doesn’t give you any right to privacy, Chief Justice is opening his own Web site where he is telling all, like how he first jerked off and who he first screwed and what his name is and why he is still an non-excuminated Catholic even though there’s another wife in the closet somewhere. The chief Justice is about to sell right to the novel.
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Pope cleans up

Pausing for a moment to talk to reporters as he continues to scrub the Vatican walls and ceilings clean of objectively disordered images, Pope Benedict XVIXVIXVIII reaffirmed his commitment.

Pausing for a moment to talk to reporters as he continues to scrub the Vatican walls and ceilings clean of objectively disordered images, Pope Benedict XVIXVIXVIII reaffirmed his commitment.

So in my reign, the Pope continued, this fag stuff has to go. Which is why, instead of washing some stinking pilgrim feet on Holy Thursday, I am up here, scrubbing out the Sistine Chapel ceiling, like it should have been done centuries ago, except those hetero popes too interested in they mistresses to notice how rampant this objective disorder be around this here Vaticum—and next thing I gonna take the cum out of that word.; It’s an international disgrace!!
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President Backs Vatican Recruitment

At a recent news conference President Bush was asked to comment on the recent Synod of bishops of the Catholic church, the first held under the new Pope, Benedict XVI.

Said Mr. Bush: “XVI—you know how I like to give my friends nick names!”—well XVI and I talked about the Snide of Bishops and how they liked to keep priests celibate. So I told XVI, like, that’s what I do what with Condo Rice and Harriet, they celibate as is humanly possible. And lots of others, like for example Karla Rove—not that she had much chance, but don’t ask me again. So I says to XVI, How ‘bout I let the Army help you recruitment of priests, sort of returning the favor for all the votes you brought in with excommunicating the likes of anyone I didn’t like.

So now when we send out our Army recruiters, they also offering the option to these boys, either the Army or the priesthood. Now some of our recruitment standards been changed, like we don’t want to look like elitist in the Army so boys don’t have to know how to read or write, long as they trigger finger in one piece. So we helping along the Snide of Bishops along by letting boys know they don’t have to be Catholic to be recruited. Just so they breathing’s all me and XVI ask.
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