The Supreme Court
Senate opens hearings on Bush choice John G. Robot, Jr.
Senate hearings on the appointment of John G. Robot for Justice of the Supreme Court got off to an acerbic start with Senate Democrats posing some sharp questions for the affable candidate.
“Just how affable are you, really?” asked one Democrat, clearly unimpressed by the candidate sworn testimony to affability.
The sharply worded question drew an immediate repost from a senior Republican on the committee, who said, “This here affordability issue, how german is it going to be on the Supreme Court deciding who’s going to die in Texas next week? You know the President wants to clean up the disgraceful conditions on Texas death row sites, people stacked up just to use the latrine, so how you going to make that affordable?”
Judge Robot retained his affable composure as he replied, citing the text of a very well written opinion he had failed to deliver in the case of Texas vs.
The World, now a classified document in the Justice Department’s secret file. “In any case,” Judge Robot acknowledged, “The sanitary conditions in Texas have greatly improved since my last visit, where I greeted death row inmates with a good deal of affability, if I may say so, and even had occasion to use the latrine, which is as good as anything you Senators have here in the belt way, if I may remind you, which is a perfect example of the effects of affirmative actions, if you follow me.”
“We certainly may!” opined an enthusiastic Democratic Senator, who went on in visibly moved tones, “Can you tell the Committee how you acquired your affability? Were you born affable, did you acquire affability, or did you have affability thrust upon you?”
Judge Robot hesitated, which brought a poignant sigh from Committee members of both sides. “Oh, the affability of the man!” one senator was heard to mutter in the hush that followed.
Gathering his thoughts, Judge Robot went on: “I recall my parent always being affable.”
“And then?” a Committee member asked.
“Then there was my grand daddy, also very affable, and my grand mammy, known throughout the town for being just as affable as anyone who asked her.”
The Committee concluded its first day of questioning with the unanimous feeling that their questions had covered most if not all of the major issues that were likely to face a permanent member of the highest court of the land. They ended the day by congratulating Judge Robot on being the ideal kind of person the Bush Administration wanted for this significant position.
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Bush give high praise to his nominee, John Robot
President Bush introduced his nominee John Robot with high praise, saying:
“I am nominating John for this here high post, whichever it might be, because he is a gentleman and you all know how much I favor gentlemen and their gentlemenly ways. Take my Vice Dick, for a good instant. He is as you might recall, Dick “Go fuck yourself, Senator” Cheney and he’ll be along any day now. And then there is my closest chum, Karla, who has after a lifelong effort finally gained the title his gentlemanly behavior deserves, Turd Blossom Rove. And then take my two gentlemanly daughters”—But then there came over the President that unique contortion of the facial muscles that the press has long identified as prelude to a presidential grin. “Well”, continued the impish president, “the Vice Dick has the gentlemanly daughter so all I can say about my two is that they are always gentlemanly except when sloshed to the ears and high on coke or something else like it”.
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