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Bush defends actions on New Orleans

President Bush went on the offensive yesterday, defending his response to the very first total destruction of a major American city. “I sent my Condolence” as soon as it was safe to fly over the sunken city,” he pointed out. “And boy were those refugees happy to see a genuine American face again.” Mr. Bush was observed to hold his hand over his mouth and bent over, slapping his thigh after this rejoinder, prompting speculation about his health.

When he straightened up, Mr. Bush addressed the issue of the Federal Emergency Management Agency. “Why, some folk stepping as low as to question the fitness of my appointed director Michael Brown. Now, when were rooming in Yale, Brownie got a lot of experience managing emergencies. I was in fact a perpetual emergency and he managed me very competently.” At this point an extreme spasm swept over the President’s face and he had to be led from the room by Vice Dick, apparently convulsed by some inner reaction. The Vice Dick was observed slapping the President on the back and other parts to restore his calm.

Mr. Bush answers some recent criticism

Been that I be critised from not taking on the overflow of this thing, whatever it was, Katrina. Now, Karla tells me I got to play along with this outflow of generosity from round the world—imagine Togo and Chad sendin they last bits of grain and fried ants and other shit they eat. We got to go over there and liberate they niggars one day.

Fact is, there been nough finger stickin bout this Katrina (nobody notice this a Russian Communist name?)

So I spend the end of the night telling Karla, I just don’t give a fuck bout lots of niggars and gators floating around. Nobody brought to my tension any of my ‘have more’ floating around with such so I could have saved them first. And don’t tell me about dead bodies and decomposition. I had to write them decompositions in school myself so I knows what they about and none of them had any black bodies. They all about how my daddy president and I can do what I damn shit please, which brings me to New Orleans before all them niggars got to looting it and decomposing in the open streets.

So, you white liberal pussy and such tryin to cuss me out over Katrina, less you got the money, hey, buster you float in the gutter. And I and my mommy Barbarous Bush tend to set them verse to music, since it being my own creation. And she a very talented lady telling niggars off. And after bein govnor of Texas or something I can let you know Texas a better place to be underprivilege than any place in the world. So fuck off Bangledesh and Chad and some such place not even on the map. And that’s how proud I am of being the govnor of that there state, and being the home to more of them underprivileged than any other, except Missimesery where my best friend TrenchMouth Lot has rebuilt his porch and is rockin himself to death.

New appointment for flood relief

Dowager Ruling Mother, Her Enormity Barbarous Bush, has been appointed by Ruling Son to head up evacuation and resettlement programs for New Orleans. Said Her Enormity at the anointing ceremony: ‘These people are very underprivileged, so I concluded it would be best to quickly settle them in some friendlier, underprivileged location, away from our more privileged locations here in Texas and wherever Ruling Son’s tax relief measures have taken full effect. For that reason our troops have been recalled from duty in New Orleans and are now occupying a large area of central Mexico as a temporary holding ground. Negotiations are underway with Air Togo and Chad to fly the emigrants out of Mexico and into those truly underprivileged places, which I believe are currently occupied but with a dwindling population due to AIDS and other underprivileged events.


News Bulletin from the Office of Bill Frist, Doctor, Senate Leader and Demagogue

Bill Frist, Senate Leader, Doctor and Demagogue, announced today that after studying videos of the damage inflicted in Louisiana and Mississippi by Hurricane Katrina, the hurricane was without doubt intelligently designed.

“Moreover,” added Demagogue Doctor Leader Frist, “I have some drawings submitted by a class of six graders showing their entire school building demolished by the winds. An especially nice touch was the bodies of animals from a nearby petting zoo floating in the inundated school playground, with the children trying desperately to pull some survivors to safety. This is all incontrovertible evidence of intelligent design behind the hurricane, very similar, if I may remind skeptics, of the equally intelligently designed earthquake and subsequent tsunami last December that swept away or crushed under debris hundreds of thousands of people standing in their way. As with all such evidence for intelligent design in the universe, it is always the more honest course to err on the side of life, as intelligent design always does.”



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