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Log Cabin Republicans

Log Cabin Republicans Come out for Bush

Log Cabin Republicans came out of the closets for the Log Cabin Republican Coming Out Debutant Ball, designed to bring out all Log Cabin Republicans who have not already come out, or, having come out, decided it was best to shrink right back in, the climate out there not suited to outted Republicans, and why risk your government clearance anyway when there are lots of congressmen and senators of either persuasion to fuck anyway? It’s not call the belt way for nothing, is it, honey?

President Bush attended, escorting Karla Rove, who appeared in a stunning confection of pink tulle, studded with stem pearls, both of which raised eyebrows among the more politically savvy of the Log Cabinites, locally known as Cenobites, another obscure monastic organization accused of various unspeakable practices. Was this, they whispered among themselves, some subliminal message about studs, about stems? There was, of course, little comment on the signature corsage of turd blossoms Ms. Karla sported on her fleshy arm.

A slight mishap happened when Lush Stinkbome, the noted Republican spokesperson who was delivering the spiritual invocation, announced that most of the bodies found floating in New Orleans were actually shipped in to the Delta from the so called Indonesian tsunami by left wing activist. “As usual,” said Lush, “We got to put up with filth floating over here from them foreign places. And I am asking the President to send the Marines to do something about it. We got our own darkies, dead as they got to be, to take care of, and don’t want any more from them other countries, lying as they have been about all they got dead and such. In fact, I don’t think anyone ever got drowned or otherwise killed by tsunami except to try to show up our President in a leftist plot.”

The high point of the evening was Mr. Bush’s presentation of the new Postal Service issue of Food Stamps. Said Mr. Bush, pulling himself away from a obviously happy laughing session with various supporters, “Now people gonna be real proud of this here Food Stamp issue, a real part of past history people can tell their children about, like the real bad past when government was interfering with people’s lives and trying to put food in their mouths and unrepublican things like that. Now, licking these commemorative Food Stamps, all you people can get some idea of what it was like to have some real food to lick.

As all the Log Cabin Republican debutants filed past the president, they spontaneously burst into rounds of applause, rending their garments, tearing their hair, flagellating their bodies, kneeling before the President and Ms. Rove and pelting them with shit.

As is well known, Log Cabin Republicans are Republicans who were born in a log cabin with a foot up their ass, thereby wedding them permanently to the Republican Party, which continues to push the foot in deeper each day.


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